Wishes For My Daughters: Reflections On Being A Mother
As I stack the basket of freshly stuffed cloth diapers near the pack n play; as I listen to the older girls make paper lanterns and discuss the creep factor of Dora's talking map; as I enjoy the momentary lull of feeding, changing, and entertaining the baby, I find a rare moment of relative peace. Reflections of my 8 years of experience as a mom soon followed. I found myself wondering, do I wish anything were different? Turns out, yes. There are many things.
In no particular order:
I wish the bathrooms would stay clean longer than a day.
I wish I didn't have to throw out entire loaves of bread because they put it back in the pantry but didn't close it.
I wish I never had to walk into a kitchen to see spilled milk left pooled on the floor, or cereal crushed into the kitchen tiles.
I wish homework helping didn't make me want to scream, and that bath times didn't end with a quarter inch of water outside the tub, still.
I wish I didn't have to request their help more than twice.
I wish I didn't waste so much energy trying to be the Ideal nutritionist, cook, maid, tutor, playmate, scheduler, teacher...
I wish I didn't feel so burdened by how much extra house-work they create.
I wish I wasn't usually too tired to enjoy them more.
I wish sometimes I didn't really want to sell them to Gypsies.
I wish I didn't waste so much energy feeling inadequate.
I wish I 'd never spent so much time feeling ashamed to admit these feelings
But of all the things I wish were different, there is one thing I wish will never change- I wish my girls NEVER doubt that however mean, frustrated, exhausted, unfair or demanding I may sometimes be, I ALWAYS love them. Even when I don't.